Mommy Says My Hair is Beautiful! - By: Macy Freeman-
For the modern mother who loves her baby’s natural hair, I pose a question: If your daughter came to you one day and said “Mama, can I get a relaxer”, what would you say to her? You, an avid natural hair advocate who loves to see black babies rocking braids, twists, locs or those braided ponytails just about every black woman had as a young girl.
Would you tell her no, or would you let her make her own decision?
I’ve been wondering what it is that makes young girls start worrying about their appearance so early. I guess it could be a number of factors really. It could be the images on television screens, which oftentimes show black women with monolithic hair types. It may even be the influence of other young girls their age. If you ask me, a girl’s greatest influence comes from home. Mothers have such a great power over their girls. They are the first to teach their children morals and shape how their children think, and part of a mother’s duty is to teach her child the true meaning of beauty.
Black women in general have a responsibility to black girls. We are their role models. They look up to us for guidance, and we influence them with our every decision. If we step up and say our natural hair is just as beautiful as straight hair (if not more so) than more girls will begin to believe it. There’s nothing wrong with having straight hair, but when it becomes an issue of “I don’t think my natural hair is beautiful,” and “I’m not beautiful unless my hair is this way,” it becomes a more serious issue.
Maybe you’ve seen this episode of the Tyra Banks Show about “good hair.”It’s an old episode, but every time I see it, it breaks my heart. Hearing what young girls had to say about their hair brought me to tears. It made me think--are we dropping the ball? Are Black women failing to teach our young girls the true meaning of beauty? Listening to each girl talk about why she hated her hair made me wonder why young girls are internalizing such negative ideals. One of the girls pulled out a blond Hannah Montana wig and said she liked it better than her own hair. This hurt me the most. It’s important to watch because it’s a wake up call that we have a responsibility to our girls. Something has to change in the way we talk to black babies about their hair.
Have you had the beauty talk with your girl(s) yet? How'd it go?
Hi ladies, thank you all for your enlightening comments. It seems we all agree that a girl's beauty ideals come from the home first. As someone who got relaxers as a girl and is now wearing her hair natural, I will say that depsite getting a perm as a girl I grew up and decided to go natural. So even if a young girl decides she wants a relaxer, it doesn't necessarily mean she'll never develop an appreciation for her natural hair. I can only say for me when and if I have a daughter (however many years from now), her hair will be natural as long as I have anything to do with. When she's grown, then she can do with it as she pleases, but hopefully she would want to remain natural. It's all in how a mother approaches the issue I guess.
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... written by Airis,
March 27, 2010
I absolutely love this article. I enjoyed the video clip also, it made me cry. Jocelyn is a BFF of mine I am proud to say because her comment was touching. Her and her daughter Brooklynn aka " my french crisp" are beautiful. It is so important that we teach our girls what beauty is and to me altering their appearance shows your beleif that they are not beautiful...come on what mama thinks their child is not beautiful? Shame on you!!! I absolutely love to see natural hair...more so on little girls...they rock it the best to me!!!Brooklynn's hair is beautiful I like it more than her mama's hair sorry Jae still love ya!!
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... written by Miss Me,
March 22, 2010
I'm 18 years old. My aunt started putting relaxers in my hair when I was really little. I really wish she hadn't. My hair used to be shoulder length, but it was so heat damaged (chronic flat ironing sydrome), it started breaking off and became so uneven, I had to get it cut to just below ear length. I wish someone would've educated me about hair care. But this is my third month of being natural and I love it .^_^. I say you should teach your kids to love and take care of their hair whether it's relaxed or natural so they never have to start over like I did. I mean, keep it natural until you think they're old enough and educated enough to make that decision for themselves.
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... written by Jocelyn,
March 22, 2010
On my previous post I was trying to indicate that my daughter is now 8 years old, but somehow a smile face with shades appeared when I posted my comment...LOL sorry about that.
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... written by Jocelyn,
March 22, 2010
Well I guess if my daughter one day informed me that she wanted to get a relaxer, my first question would be "why"? It would be a dramatic change for her since she has locs and has had her locs since she was 3 years old (now . It would really depend on how old she was when she talked to me about it. I would have to hear her reasons why and then decide the conversation that we would have. My daughter asked me when she was 3 if I would loc her hair because she said,"I want it to look like yours mommy" and although it was the biggest compliment I have ever received in my life for about 2 days I was hesitant. I wanted to make sure it was something that she really wanted....I didn't want to do it because it was something I wanted for her. She continued to ask and I began the locing process with her (which by the way was one of the most touching and beautiful experiences that I have ever had). She has never wanted to turn back and still today, with locs that drape to the middle of her back, she states, "I love my hair". A couple of the many lessons that I have learned on this journey with my daughter is listen to your children, because even at 3 years old some of them truly know what they want. Also, an appreciation for beauty, race, and people in general comes from your child’s first teacher....their Mom!
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... written by Leo the Yardie Chick,
March 03, 2010
Tell those people that you are doing 'something with it'. You're taking care of your daughter and her hair, and you're teaching her to love and accept it as it is.
See how fast they shut up.
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... written by LaTeisha Clement,
March 02, 2010
I definitely agree that it's up to mothers or other respective guardians to be positive role models of natural beauty for little girls. As s young girl, I was highly infulenced by my mother's every move. She's one of the reasons I went natural. She stopped getting relaxers while pregnant with my sister and her hair was so beautiful. I really admired that and decided to follow suit. This goes to show that those closest to us can have the greatest impact on our lives.
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... written by KB,
March 02, 2010
It's amazing...my daughter is THREE, and I am already getting comments like, "I want to my hair to be straight." Again, amazing...And do you know what's hilarious? My daughter, with her beautiful, poofy, curly, hair, will get more positive comments from our white counterparts than our "sisters", who mostly just ask me when I'm going to "do something with it?"
All I can do is continue to tell my daughter how beautiful she is...all of her. She is the reason that I decided to embrace me..all of me...
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, but hopefully she would want to remain natural. It's all in how a mother approaches the issue I guess.
. It would really depend on how old she was when she talked to me about it. I would have to hear her reasons why and then decide the conversation that we would have. My daughter asked me when she was 3 if I would loc her hair because she said,"I want it to look like yours mommy" and although it was the biggest compliment I have ever received in my life for about 2 days I was hesitant. I wanted to make sure it was something that she really wanted....I didn't want to do it because it was something I wanted for her. She continued to ask and I began the locing process with her (which by the way was one of the most touching and beautiful experiences that I have ever had). She has never wanted to turn back and still today, with locs that drape to the middle of her back, she states, "I love my hair". A couple of the many lessons that I have learned on this journey with my daughter is listen to your children, because even at 3 years old some of them truly know what they want. Also, an appreciation for beauty, race, and people in general comes from your child’s first teacher....their Mom!
